I’ve been posting my blogs in big chunks on here lately. The reason for that is because I currently write all my blogs on my Myspace page, then after a while copy and paste them in here. If you’d like to be able to stalk me in a more up to date manner, check out my Myspace www.myspace.com/jenniferbellrichard.
Michelle as a hooker
Hello fans,
I just got an email today from my sister discussing our Precious Hooker posts. I think she has a fresh perspective on this whole thing. Here’s her message:
Jennifer,
I’m a little behind on reading the precious blogs, but I just finished the hooker challenge. I just wanted to say how shocked I am that nobody said they would want to be a geisha. You get to wear lots of makeup and fancy robes. Plus, all you have to do is drink tea with men. That would be perfect, in my opinion.
Michelle D.B.
Hookin’
The Precious topic for this week is Hookers. I don’t really have any good first-hand stories about hookers except that when I was downtown last week (plastered of course) some guy that was about 40 walked past me and my friend, totally hammered, looked me right in the eyes and said, “How much?” His friends had to push him down the sidewalk away from me because he was totally serious, but being that I was really drunk (I was even drunk before I got to the bars) I decided to respond “$5,000.”
My question is, do I look like a hooker? I was wearing a dress, but I didn’t look whorey or anything…I think. I guess I shouldn’t complain. He did ask me and not my friend how much…but maybe that’s not a compliment. I don’t know.
Now, moving on, Emilene wrote in her post about what kind of hooker she would like to be. If I had to be one I’d like to be one of those “high-class” hookers who don’t really have to have sex with the “john” if they don’t want to; all they’re obliged to do is go out on the town with them. And I’d be self-employed. I don’t think I would get along very well with a pimp, even if he was high-class. Plus I’d like to be my own pimp so that I can wear one of those festive hats with the feather in it.
Em said she’d like to be a dominatrix because she’s bossy, and I can be too at times, but I wouldn’t want to do that because more often than not the guys make you spit, piss or shit on them. That’s too disgusting for me. Also, some like to be bitten and I don’t think I would want to risk getting the HIV or AIDs by drawing blood when I bite (which would probably happen as I have super sharp teeth).
Maybe others have an opinion as to what kind of hooker I’d be. I’d like to hear it since I apparently look like one.
My Good Advice
Don’t drink three shots of Jack Daniels, two shots of Jose Cuervo and two shots of Wild Turkey in one night. You get way too drunk and start talking to some guy about hooking you up with acid and about how he’s going to start a snow skiing business. In case you can’t tell, I did all of the above, so I did not follow my own advice…which is why I had to forcably puke up the Wild Turkey and stumble home alone and then call the people I was with so that they knew I hadn’t died.
Well, that’s the end of my drunked post. Hopefully it won’t happen again. Nighty Night!!!!!!!!!!
Bomb threat on campus
Hello all. Just in case you’re wondering, I’m fine. Don’t worry. I haven’t been blown up…yet.
There was a bomb threat earlier today in one of the dorms on campus that I just happen to live right next to. I’m so close in fact that my room is about 300 feet from said building, so if it blew I would probably be in deep shit. I’m in my room right now, which is probably not the best thing, but hey, what the hell. I had a good go of it.
Anyway, as most of you know, I am the managing editor for my campus’s TV station, which basically means that I run the news. I make all the calls about content, edit scripts, bug people about getting things done, etc. It’s a classy job. Well, the show is tomorrow so of course I couldn’t let this story slip by. I asked one of the anchors to bump their original stories and cover this. Plus, because I live right next to the building and I have my own camera I said that I would take some B-roll footage.
I stood right outside of the building with my camera (and no tripod, because I couldn’t get my hands on one) and just started filming. No one hassled me or even asked who I was. It was a rather pleasant shooting experience. My only problem with it was that I was in fact not hassled. Don’t you think that some weirdo wearing a vest and holding a Panasonic camera outside of a building that just received a threat should at least be asked who they are and why they’re filming? I either look super non-threatening or the cops are just idiots around here. I’m going to go with the latter.
I was in jail over the weekend
I was in jail over the weekend
Yes indeed. The title is true, however I was not incarcerated, I only toured the La Crosse County Jail.
A lot of interesting things happened. I did something that could have gotten me thrown out (I’m not going to share it here, but if you really want to know I’ll message you); I got to touch the padding on one of the cells for “special people;” I learned that when you are in a “special” cell (meaning you’re a danger to yourself or you’re fucking crazy) you have to pee in a hole with grating over it; and I stood about 20 or fewer feet from an alleged murderer whom I wrote two stories about for the college paper.
His name is Irvin Ramirez and it is alleged that he picked up some girl downtown (which I live about 10-15 blocks from), possibly sexually assaulted her, ripped half of her lip off, beat her on the head with something and stole her purse.
I doubt that he read the stories and I made exta sure to be careful about what I said, so he shouldn’t know me or be angry, but you never know. It’s just really weird that I recognized him and that I was so close to him. Scary!
Puke and Killer Nerd
Precious Blog Assignment #5 Topic: Puke experience and/or Favorite bad movie
I’m sure everyone knows by now that I have a pretty extensive history of puking. It’s almost right up there with Justine, which says a lot. Since I have so many of these stories that’s hard to choose the best one, and because I’m lazy, I’m only going to share one of them
This one goes back many years to when I was about 11 or 12. Justine, Susan, Michelle, my mom and me all went to Long John Silvers to pick up some lunch. At that time in my life I despised seafood, but my mom had a bunch of free coupons that she wanted to use, so I went along with it…plus I was hungry. We all made our orders at the drive-thru, which totalled around 30 dollars from what I remember, drove up to pay and the woman at the window pointed out that my mother’s coupon things had expired. Getting very angry, as my mom always does at fastfood places (I don’t think there has been one time I’ve been through a drive-thru with her that she hasn’t yelled at the person taking our order), she turned her head, looking at the road ahead, and hit the gas. She just left that person at the window holding the certificates hanging. She said nothing; just drove away. Well, as we were driving through the lot to leave I yelled out “Stop the car!!!” I opened the door and puked out what looked like a 1/2 gallon of sour chocolate milk. What it really was was some hot cocoa that I had had earlier that day. I figured it was a nice present for the lady in the drive-thru because she left me hungry and having to deal with an insane mother.
As far as my favorite bad movie, I’m going to have to say that Killer Nerd would be it. It’s got terrible acting, bad camera work and a shitty story line, but it’s fucking hilarious. How can you beat Toby Radloff, a killing nerd and such great lines as “Hey I gotta scratch my dick,” and then the guy scratches his ankle; and “Blood-red with brains! Blood-red with brains!”
That’s it. Nighty Night.
Fuck Al Sharpton
Who else hates Al Sharpton? Please tell me it’s not just me.
I’m sure that by now the world has heard about the Don Imus controversy, so I won’t go over it, but just let me say that I’m pretty pissed about it. Because I’m so incredibly emotional about this I’ve decided to just let this blog fly and not make any edits or try to structure it. Whatever comes out, comes out. Well, here it goes..
What the fuck makes Sharpton so wonderful? And who deemed him “the” black spokesperson? He’s a money grubbing, lying, racist asshole that needs to just be locked away on an island by himself so that no one will ever be poluted by his drivel again. He’s a hypocrit and people should not pay attention to him. How many maliciously racist things has he said about white people (remember the white interloper incident?), and has never been taken to task about it, yet Don Imus says something not too fucking major in jest and Sharpton is calling for his firing. What an ass!
Also, why it is that people consider Sharpton to be such a pioneer and peacemaker is beyond me. He’s a racist ass who loves to race bait. He has an entire radio show devoted to it. I’m not sure if anyone has listened, or looked at his website, but that entire show seems to be about discussing how awful white people are. How the fuck does he ever expect to fix these racial tensions when he is only perpetuating the idea that whites are bad and blacks are helpless victims. Why can’t he take a positive stance? Why can’t he preach peace?
He constantly says that he’s just trying to make the world more equal by pointing out what the problems are, yet he only points out what’s wrong with the white man…which admittedly is a lot, but he refuses to even address some of the major problems in his own community (need I mention Madison Square Garden?). When people like himself refuse to point out the faults of their own community and go on a hunt for the white man’s blood any chance they can, how is this not sending the message that blacks and whites are different and should be treated accordingly? How does he expect to fight racism with racism? It is ridiculous.
And most importantly, Imus was trying to be funny. He wasn’t being racist. He wasn’t trying to offend. He was only joking. That’s the bottom line. Context is everything, and in this context Imus was not being malicious.
He’s done so much good to so many people that the fact that that selfish fatass has the balls to call Imus out makes me want to punch a hole through his fucking greasy hairdo.
This has inferiated me. And the fact that Imus has been so overly appologetic can only mean that the apocolypse is upon us. He should NOT be appologizing! He was having fun, he was making fun. It wasn’t meant to be mean. If we now have to live in a world where a person has to watch their back every minute of the goddamn day to make sure they won’t be branded a racists, I don’t want to be here anymore.
Again, why not go after the real problems? Blacks killing blacks in record numbers. Blacks purposely separating themselves not only in language (Nigger) but in almost every other aspect of their lives (Only black scolarships, Only black fraternities). Blacks rioting in Madison Square Garden for no apparent reason. Lets fix the real problems instead of going after an 80 year old with a cowboy hat!!!!
Also, did anyone else notice that Imus hasn’t worn his fag cowboy hat throughout the entire debacle? That means this is serious. The I-Man has lost his power, and it sucks!
Brushes with fame
Precious Blog Assignment #5. Topic: Brushes with fame or meeting famous people.
Over the course of my life I have met some relatively famous people, unfortunately though, they have only been politicians or the wives/children of politicians.
Some of my betters stories about these people are as follows:
1. Tipper Gore one time pulled on my braids and said that she loved my hair because it reminded her of the way she wore it when she was a kid. I about wanted to give myself a buzz cut right then and there.
2. John Kerry yelled at me on Public Access television one time after I asked him if he was still affiliated with Skull and Bones. Also, he took the microphone away from me and wouldn’t give it back.
3. This one doesn’t really involve me meeting these people, but I was near them and they commented on some work that Justine and I did. It was at an Al Gore rally and beforehand Justine and I made up a few campaign posters for him at some campaign meeting the day before. The one I was most proud of coming up with, that Justine painted out beautifully, was “Al Gore, the President Formerly Known as Vice.” My mom asked Al’s daughters to sign the poster and I think they said that it was funny. In case you’re wondering where the hell I came up with that slogan, Justine and I had been watching Prince videos non-stop earlier that day and I couldn’t get him out of my head.
Now, as far as any brushes with fame I’ve had, well, my favorite one was just yesterday when I was heard in about 20-30 terrestrial radio markets across America as well as XM satellite in both the US and Canada when I called into Opie and Anthony to say how disgusting my grandmother’s feet are. The guys and Bob Kelly thought that I was really funny. It was a perfect morning for me.
Also, over this last summer when I wrote for the Grant County Herald Independent I used to get recognized a lot on the streets of Lancaster and a lot of the people that I had to call to interview knew who I was even though I hadn’t spoken to them before. Also, the guy that delivers mail to my house in Cuba City lives in Lancaster and recognized me. One time when he delivered a package to my house and I had to sign for he said the gayest thing “Hey, I’m getting a celebrity’s signature.” Dummy. I’m not famous.
Also, you can catch me often on La Crose television. Just yesterday I did a movie review. The best part was that it was of “Scalps.” It was actually a pretty funny review. When I got down from the stage everyone gave me non-stop thumbs ups and high fives and compliments. I think they like when I do movie reviews because I do movies that nobody, and I mean nobody has ever seen.
Also, I was on the five o’clock news a few times as a kid. One time when I got on, my gym teacher (Don Lawson’s wife) saw me and was really excited the next day to tell me that she’d seen me.
1st day of college
Precious Blog #4. Topic: 1st day of college.
To be perfectly honest, I don’t really remember much about my first day of college. The only “memory” I have left is a sort of jumble of images that may or may not have taken place on that first day.
What I think happened was that I met my insane roommate that had such an aversion to speaking (especially to me) that one time she tried to kick me out of our room on a post-it note and never spoke of it again, I went to the dining hall and fucking hated it, I carried about 50 pounds worth of books back from the store, got a menengitis shot, and went to the convenience store on campus to get some milk where I met a dude that started humming the “Dawson’s Creek” theme when it came on speakers in the store. When he did that, I turned around to look and see who it was and we both said at the exact same time “it’s a classic.” I was being sarcastic, but I couldn’t tell if he was or not. However, it was an interesting moment none the less.
Well, that post sucked.
